Sunday, April 22, 2012

NWA Main Event results from Thursday in Nashville, TN

Match #1 – Shane Steel vs. Lennox Norris (wrestling in his briefs)
Lennox reminds Cliff of Ernest “the Cat” Miller.
( I actually did play by play this week, but was eating my pizza. The crowd was mildly interested in this match.)
Some good slaps traded back and forth. Match got sloppy towards the end. Weak looking offense from Norris. I expected better of him than that. Lennox Norris gets the pin with a roll up.
Steel responds after the bell with a kick to the nads and some boots to the chest.

Match #2 – Jamey Farrari & Kaige Kuttler vs. Shaun Fatal & Kaden Sade
An interesting face team, to be sure. New guy has Rocker-style fringed pants, Victoria is pretty sure they were hand me downs. He gets on the mic and does the usual “you are all ugly inbred hicks” heel shtick. I call bullshit on the combined weight of 337 for Fatal & Sade. Maybe if you tossed in Farrari too.
Fatal with a nice standing legdrop on Kaige Kuttler. He tags in Sade, and Sade works him over for a bit before making the tag back to Fatal. Kaige Kuttler suplexes Sade right on his head. Impressive spot. Tags back in Jamey “Chickenwing” Farrari. This is the ref that spends the match talking at the faces to get back in their corner so the heels can double team the guy in the ring.
Fatal is positively luminescent under the spotlights, which are on for tonight. Sade gets hit with a clothesline by Kaige Kuttler and does a full 360. High double team back body drop on Sade. Kaden ducks some clotheslines and leaps over a back body drop attempt in a nice sequence, but gets caught and drug into the wrong side of town. Fatal gets the hot tag and is a house a fire. Saden leaps to the outside, but Kaige Kuttler agilely avoids him. “Ole!” Farrari missed with a chain, and Fatal rolls him up for the three.
Sade ends the match on the floor, but at least walks out under his own power for a change. Just once, I want to see Sade and Madison stick someone in a headlock in the middle of the ring for 15 minutes, so they survive to be 21.

Match #3 – Larry Cooter is out. He’s complaining about Kevin Kardashian throwing powder in his eyes from last week, but he say’s he’s found some video (cell phone?) footage to prove it. He calls out Kevin Kardashian, and his music starts. Kardashian pulled a fast one, though, and snuck out in street clothes through the crowd and jumps Cooter from behind. Manager Victor Van Glorious has a new weapon in his arsenal, literally, giving Kevin a taser to zap Larry Cooter with. Cooter sells it like a million bucks, and Chickenhat is on his feet. Kevin tazes the ref, then hits Cooter with it again. “What a shocking development!” (-Cliff) Kardashian folds up a chair and gives Cooter a crack with it. Eric Hayes is out to save the day, in matching camo shorts with Cooter.
Victor is on the mic, saying they will do what they want, when they want, and no one can stop them. He asks Cooter if he is shocked that he got what he asked for.
As Cooter gets up, Erik Hayes gives a crappy superkick to Cooter, and starts beating him down. Its soon two on one, although both Hayes and Kevin are working terribly soft with a lot of space on their moves.
Finally Fatal is out, with Sade, Knox, Chickentat, and a few refs.
Chickenhat picks up a chair and charges the heels, and it takes four guys to restrain him. Apparently he didn’t like Hayes’s heel turn.
(You know, I’ve seen 206 heel turns in NWAME, and one face turn, David Knox.)
Charles gets on the mic and runs down Erik Hayes, threatening to call his dad on him.
Hayes responds saying he dosen’t like Nashville, and would like to burn the place down. Funny, that’s how I feel about Memphis.
Chickenhat again goes after Erik Hayes. This is the best entertainment money can buy. I’ve already gotten my $4 worth.
Charming Charles promises them both something special next week.

Match #4 – Axe Handle on a Pole Match. Eric Hodge vs. David Knox
The indifference to Eric Hodge is deafening. My second favorite Eric in NWA Main Event. These two put on a pretty good match last week, so I’m hoping for more of the same.
Hodge starts off and goes immediately for the axe handle, but gets caught in the ropes.
Knox clubbers Hodge and goes up for the handle himself, but Hodge pulls him back. Knox has a fresh pair of jeans this week, after the wardrobe malfunction from last week.
Knox is up and over Hodge, trying to get the handle. Hodge measures him for a punch and misses by a good half a foot, but Knox sells it anyways. Hodge with a jogging knee lift. Standing falling headbutt. Hodge can’t get past the middle rope trying for the handle.
Things go pear-shaped in this match pretty quick. Eric Hodge is in that spot where fans don’t even care enough to boo him, and Knox is still working up a following. The crowd is absolutely mild.
Hodge finally gets the axe handle, and then takes several minutes before using it, hitting Knox with a low blow and a side slam from the middle rope. Drops the axe handle while flourishing it. Knox fights his way back and Hodge bails.
Some inspired clubbering when they get back in the ring. Hodge still refuses to actually use the axe handle, hitting Knox with a Russian Legsweep. The crowd has to be checked for a pulse.
Some chocking with the axe handle, and Knox flips Hodge over him. Hodge clips the knee and Knox goes down. Hodge finally uses the axe handle to gently prod Knox.
A small lumberjack chant starts, as Hodge is back in command with his really weak offense. Knox clubbers back and goes to town with the axe handle, and gently massages him with it several times. Cover only gets 2.
Hodge is up with the axe handle, and punches him while holding it. Back and forth and Hodge bails. Knox is trying desperately to get the crowd behind him, but Chickenhat and I are the only two clapping. Hodge refuses to get back in the ring, and Knox wins by countout. Knox says he’s taking him out, and by that I assume he means dinner and a movie. Knox bumps the ref, who sells better then Hodge.
Knox asks for the mic, and JT gives him the mic and then makes himself scarce. Knox feels he had mutual respect for Eric Hodge, but his “Canadian Pride” won’t let him win by countout. He wants Hodge again next week. The crowd tries to beg Charles no, but we are promised a strap match next week.
Well, that match was a dumpster fire.

Match #5 – The Drink Destroyers (Dyron Flynn & Chris Norte) w/ Prince Omar vs. Steve-O & Psycho Medic
I remind Chris Norte that he dosen’t have a custom action figure. Dyron Flynn is channeling Jamie Noble’s “White Trash” gimmick, in a pair of jeans with bandanas over them. He needed a wifebeater.
Norte tells the crowd that their lawyers have ensured that no one will be getting their hands on Prince Omar Al Kazan. I actually forgot that was even on the line.
Omar puts over the X-Division Title, and Crimson’s favorite tag team, The Drink Destroyers, Jamie Noble and Abraham Lincoln, er, Flynn and Norte.
Psycho Medic has some new music, but really came out a bit too early for it to have full effect. Everyone is in street clothes for this bout. Steve-O has a good build, but struggles on the mic. Every time he says forgot, he forgets. The ref brings down some handcuffs to cuff Omar to the ring corner. If they really wanted to punish Omar, they should have made him watch the last match. Cliff thinks he protests too much about getting handcuffed.
A spot that absolutely makes my head hurt, as Omar breaks the handcuffs, while the ref was busy showing off that he has the key and Omar is stuck. They quietly lock the cuffs back up and pretend that didn’t just happen. Lets move on.
Its Norte and Psycho and Steve-O facing off with Flynn, and too much going on to give a very detailed blow by blow, but I’ll try to capture the highlights. The referee will give his attention to anyone actually in the ring. Steve-O’s slaps are major league. Psycho tries to stick Norte’s head up Flynn’s rectum. A lot of brawling in and out of the ring. Quite a bit of action in the bleachers too. Psycho made special care to involve the gentlemen from the group home that came out for the show. A great touch, there. Omar is handcuffed right in front of them too.
Steve-O is brutalizing Norte in the bleachers. First water bottle shot dosen’t break the bottle, but the second one does. Water all over the crowd. Psycho and Norte go at it inches away from us. Flynn with a momentary advantage on Steve-O. Flynn has split the crotch of his pants. I hope he didn’t choose this week to go commando.
Norte with a great crotch shot on Steve-O with Omar’s cane. Now its Psycho’s turn to go into the bleachers with Flynn.
Norte and Psycho in the ring, and Steve-O and Flynn on the outside. Everyone’s back in the ring. Norte does that stupid “jump three inches off the ground with my opponents head between my knees” thing. I really can’t figure out what that’s supposed to do.
Psycho has Norte in a fireman’s carry, and waits around for Steel to show up so he can dump Norte and get Steel in a fireman’s carry, and drops him on his face.
Steve-O grabs a chair to prod Norte and Flynn, then tosses it away. Everyone is down and struggling to get up. Flynn comes back working Steve-O’s eyes. Steve-O responds with a neckbreaker. Looks like he is going to miss Norte and his Psycho, but Psycho gets out of the way. Everyone in the building but Steve-O sees Erik Hayes coming, who pearl harbors Steve-O. He ducks under Hayes and gives him a superkick. Norte gets lifted, Flynn gets tackled, and Psycho picks up the pin.
Chickenhat is giving Norte the business.
Cliff notices that Psycho Medic has the smallest ears he has ever seen. Omar bounces a chair off the ropes, and joins his clients prone in the ring.
Steve-O “I guess you all forgot what last week was….” And promptly forgets what he was talking about. Ouch.
The Drink Destroyers argue about who was at fault for the loss, but stop short of blaming Steel or Hayes, and eventually Omar talks them into calming down.

Match #6 – NWA Mid-American Heavyweight Championship. Seven w/Omar vs. Nick Iggy.
Cliff and I both feel like its time for Seven to produce of go away. He’s been a constant title challenger, but has never gotten it done, even with help from the likes of Omar and Dyron Flynn.
Iggy is all determination tonight, and dosen’t waste much time before going after Seven. A lot of body punches and kicks to the hips, until Seven decides he’s had enough of that, and goes on the offensive. Has a chance to go for the Title, but goes after Iggy. Iggy tries a comeback, but Seven isn’t having any of that. Omar joins him with a cheap shot outside the ring.
Seven and Iggy brawl into the bleachers. Iggy gets pounded into the seat next to me, and somehow misses the icy lemonade of the kid sitting by me. Seven feeds Iggy a mountain dew can. Iggy leaps off the bleachers, but into the waiting arms of Seven.
Iggy gets away and goes under the ring, as Seven goes chasing after him. Comes out the other side and gets in the ring.
Seven goes for a chair, and sets up a pair right in front of the front row, like he’s preparing for a drop toe hold into the chairs. Iggy chops Seven a few times, but that just annoys Seven. Seven goes wandering off, looks for a trash can, but decides its too much effort, so he settles for choking Iggy before rolling him back in the ring.
Iggy fights his way back, and has Seven in the ropes. They tease a spot into the chairs on the floor, and finally Iggy falls into the chairs. Seven goes to the far end to get the ladder. There is a stepladder placed in the corner by the pole, and I start wondering if my angle idea will ever come true. I urge them to be careful with the ladder, it’s a future X-Division champion.
Iggy blocks a few suplex attempts into the chairs. Seven is either agitated or moderately bored. Iggy with a Tornado DDT onto the chairs. Iggy with a punch, Iggy with a punch, headbutt from Seven. “Punch him in the dick, Iggy!”
There is a ladder set up outside the ring, horizontally. Iggy goes over the top, and gets flipped into the side of the ladder. He graciously climbs back onto the ladder to make a target for Seven, and moves as Seven launches himself. Seven’s ribs go right into the ladder. Omar is holding his ribs for Seven.
The ladder is set up in the corner again, and Omar looks like he’s going for the title himself. I swear to Cliff if they drop the title to the stepladder, I will wet myself.
Omar takes a good bump, but refuses to lose his sunglasses. They must be stapled onto his head.
Seven and Iggy take each other out trying to get to the Title. Seven with an F-5 for Iggy. Seven gently caresses Iggy with a chain, then does an elbow drop while holding the chain. Omar is up, and Iggy goes corner to corner with a sweet missile dropkick that lays Seven out. He climbs over Seven on his way to the stepladder. Seven backdrops Iggy down off the ladder.
Seven drags Iggy out after remembering they haven’t used a table yet, so he goes looking for a table. They experiment with a few tables before bringing a small table into the ring. Iggy joins him, and tries to climb the ladder. Seven pulls him off.
Seven suplexes Iggy into the ladder, in a move that made the entire crowd wince. Iggy with a tornado DDT on the chair that the chair no sells. Iggy’s tired here, his kicks are looking pretty bad. Seven is layed out on the table. Iggy thinks about going for the title, and climbs up the ladder, but dives off the top of the ladder towards Seven. The ladder gave out as he leaped, and Iggy just barely made contact with Seven. Still broke the table, and Iggy is back up trying for the belt. Iggy retains his title!

Credit:  TheRusty @ Mid-Southern Wrestling message board

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