92 were seen tonight. JW Boogie Stratton was our official for the evening. There was a ten bell for Ted Allen and Skandor Akbar.
OUR USWO Music City Champion Damien Payne comes out to tell us it's his birthday today and wants people to give him money. Commissioner "El Hombre de Pastel" Gordon decides that we'll have a "whip DP for his birthday raffle" with not one, not two, but THREE winners.
Kid Fresh Mike Cobbs beat Bad Boy Dixon and Redneck Danny Copass (w/Brokeback Bubba Copass) in 6:00 in a 3-way. Gordon brings up that last Saturday, RDC unleashed his pal "Brokeback Bubba Copass" upon USWO. BBC is in a cowboy outfit including chaps but has pink plaid Daisy Dukes underneath them! KFMC comes out in Sponge Bob pajamas and has a matching backpack. Yeah. KFMC gets bum rushed to start plus takes RDC's butt splash to the face (yes, he got up close and personal with the Confederate flag). BBD/RDC double backdrop KFMC, whose feet hit the ceiling and knock out a tile. BBD grabs KFMC and holds him as RDC charges but KFMC drops and BBD gets walloped. RDC tries to climb the turnbuckle but slips and KFMC sneaks over and schoolboys him for the pin.
Wayne Jr. grabs a broom and cleans up the tile mess which leads to "Garrett" chants, lol.
Gordon introduces somebody who hasn't been here in a while-Petey Wright! PW dropped by since he had a break from jet setting or whatever. He did bring a friend from France. PW promises the next time he's in town, he'll bring his gear and wrestle for us, which is fine as long as he brings Lindsay Lohan too.
Saint & Steven Green beat Shawn Hoodrich & Jamey Farrari in 10:00. SG Greenacanranas SH for 2 but gets groin kicked when SH pulls up on a leapfrog try. SH chokes SG thus raises the ire of the mullet ladies. Ref Boogie has to stop illegal participation by S which allows the Bandanna Brigade (SH/JF) to freely punish SG. SH sets SG up top and climbs up too but SG fights him off and hits a tornado DDT and we get TAGS!! JF splashes S twice but S throws some kicks and backslides him for the pin. SH is an angry young man as he berates JF for losing then attacks him! Pumbah returns to stop all this by giving SH an airplane spin. Gordon lectures JF on hanging around with the wrong crowd and JF agrees but changes his mind and goes after P and they have to be pulled apart. P channels Monty Brown and invites JF to the jungle.
Drew Haskins & Playboy James Duncan beat Lee Cross & Josh Crow in 11:00. DH proudly displays his half of the ATL Tag Team Championship. JC dropkicks DH out to the arms of PJD then climbs up and dives out onto them. Back in, DH hangs on to the ropes, causing CrossCrow to miss a double dropkick but they later do a mini-total elimination on PJD. JC receives a chinbreaker from PJD and the ATL All-stars go to work on JC. DH stretches JC but misses on a bronco buster and we get TAGS!! LC throws both opponents out to the floor then JC dives out but PJD sidesteps and JC splatters on the floor. DH grabs a chair and chopblocks LC with it so PJD can roll back in and cover LC for the pin.
All-Stars celebrate by continuing the leg punishment on LC, both with the chair and by PJD dropping elbows on it. JC finds a second chair and clears the ring. LC has to be helped out as Wright comes out and offers to be JC's partner for a rematch against "the cheeseburglar and the smiling guy with the belt", lol. JC tells LC to get well then tells us a story about in 2005 he was wrestling around the world when PW called and asked what the best place to be trained was and JC told him it was Tony Falk and USWO.
Raffle time! Two small boys and Linda Hackney get to wish DP a happy birthday with the gift of whip.
Psycho Medic beat USWO Music City Champion Damien Payne by countout in 9:00. DP is hesitant to lock up although PM has taken off the skeleton mask. PM finally gets a hold of DP and splashes him. DP staggers and falls to the mat but then lowblows PM. DP targets the arm for extended punishment. PM finally gets DP up and sideslams but DP hits a shortarm clothesline for 2. PM headbutts DP twice and DP rolls out then decides to exit stage right as he gets counted out.
PM grabs a chair and has a seat in the ring as Gordon commissions DP to come back out. PM says he's been solid for the last 3 months and has had his fill of DP weaseling out of stuff. PM wants a no-DQ-no-countout-falls-count-anywhere-electrified-cornbread-on-a-pole match next week. Gordon tells DP if he no-shows, he'll be stripped of the title.
Jocephus & Kevin Dunn beat USWO Champion Jeff Daniels & Tracy Smothers (w/Jessie Belle) in 16:00. JB with the same lovely outfit she had on last week and even does a split for us. J says he called up an old friend which turns out to be Kevin Dunn! TS threatens the crowd then turns the mic over to his "beautiful gorgeous legit-illegitimate daughter". JB it's not her fault she's beautiful, it's genetics. JB calls J "Bocephus " and "a big dumb lumberjack”. She then tries to start an "Opie Taylor" chant at KD (unaware that it’s actually Damien Payne who is designated to be the target of “Opie” chants in this promotion) then offers J/KD the chance to leave intact. JB provocatively removes TS' outerwear prompting ugly chants. KD/JD start off with JB showing off cheerleading moves whenever JD does well. TS in but gets dragged back to the corner and KD tags J. JB reaches under the rope and trips up J then TS pulls him into a clothesline. J lariats both opponents out then KD springboards off him and dives out onto them. Back in, KD crossbodies TS for 2 but gets thrown out so JD/JB can kick him while he's down. JD works over KD for a while then lets TS have a go at it. JB helps out by choking KD, who eventually fights out of a double team beatdown and we get TAGS!! J clotheslines both and covers TS for 2. JB gets on the apron and J grabs her but TS grabs his flagpole and whacks J with it then lays back on him for a cover. J pulls TS over on his shoulders and gets the pin!
Sore Loser Attack! The flagpole gets used liberally then JB kicks both J/KD in the ribs. TS tells JD that their foes won the battle but they haven’t won the war!
ATL Champion Gary Valiant beat Mean Mike Woods in 18:00. GV cracks on MW's pink tights then tells ref Boogie to go have a beer and a sub while he presents Gordon as special ref! (also means I got the mic) GV legdrops MW in the groinular region then atomic drops him before legworking. MW works his way up and makes GV miss a splash then follows him out to the floor and beats on him. MW chases Gordon away and rams GV into the ringpost before they roll back in. GV ducks 2 lariats but MW flattens him and drops an elbow for 2. MW just kinda brushes off Gordon's authority and continues the beatings. MW double elbow drops for a cover but [pulls GV up and applies a sleeper. GV fights out but misses another splash and MW stomps his head. MW stands over GV but gets kicked in the groinular regions. GV goes up top but MW gets over to throw him off. MW misses 3 elbow drops and GV pulls himself up with the ropes. GV lariats and superkicks MW for 2. MW breaks up the Boogie Blaster and lariats for a cover. GV reaches up and taps MW on the shoulder making MW think Gordon did it. MW stands up and raises his hands in triumph but GV schoolboys him for the pin.
MW takes his frustrations out by dropping Gordon with a right fist! (NO PIE FOR YOU!!) GV chases MW away but not before Tony has me inform MW that he is fired!
Credit: Mr. USWO @ Mid-Southern Wrestling message board